RESET YOUR GOALS

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Happy with my current state of affairs (including my now lack of a fringe/bangs!) 

Hi peeps! Today's post is a bit of a personal one hope that's okay with you!

So, one of my old school mates got in touch with me a few days ago. It'd been about 3 years since we last spoke/met and after the normal pleasantries her next question was 'are you married yet? It took me by surprise slightly because I didnt expect it from her. Her reasoning was that last time we met, I had a boyfriend whom I was more than likely going to be with forever so marriage was the next step for me. She's about six months older than I am and we're in our mid 20s. She proceed to tell me that she felt left behind now that the rest of our group of friends are either in a long term relationship or married or expecting a baby. 


This got me thinking about the goals I'd set myself when I was a 16 year old (naive) pre med who saw the world with rose tinted glasses. Some of the goals I set myself where as follows and I'll explain how I spectacularly failed at each one! 


1. Start med school aged 18 - I didn't. I took a gap year after sixth form and so I started aged 19

2. Finish med school at 23 - I didn't. With my gap year plus my intercalated degree I'm at least 2 years behind this goal!
3. Have a baby between year 4 and 5 of med school - I didn't. I actually got another degree instead!.  Although I was in a long term relationship in year 4 there was no way I was ready to have a baby with the guy I was with. I thank my lucky stars that I didn't!
4. Get married before final year so that I could take my husband's last name - this didn't happen either and again, my I have my lucky stars to thank! Had I been married to the guy I was with I'd have been stuck with his name professionally. The thought of my lucky escape makes me very happy.
5. Move in with my boyfriend in final year of med school - I didn't. My ex boyfriend and I broke up soon after final year started so I lived solo. 


Those are some of my goals that I didn't fulfil at the times I set myself. When I was 16 I was incredibly focused on age and achieving things at certain time points. It didn't occur to me at that age that life does't pan out as planned primarily because up until that point, bar one major tragedy in the family, my life had followed a pretty straight forward route. While I felt saddened by failing to meet my goal at each time point I've realised now that actually had I met the goals when I hoped to have done, my life wouldn't have been as fulfilling as it is now. I was in a relationship that was toxic from the start. For the longest time I was incredibly bitter at how I wasted nearly 7 years of my life on a dead end relationship with a guy that I clearly had no future with. But, had I married him and had his children I think I'd be clinically depressed if I'd had that tie with him. 


Same as my gap year and my intercalation year. Initially I berated myself for taking a year out while my friends went to university/ continued with med school but actually, I met so many nice people whom I'm still in touch with today. I learnt life lessons that I probably wouldn't have learnt had I not taken the year out.


Yes I'm in my mid 20s. Nope I'm not married, I don't have children either, I don't even have a boyfriend! But that's okay. Really it is! I've never been happier or felt freer than I do now. My goals in life are so incredibly different now especially that I've finished medical school. I'm less focussed on age. I have more than 40 years of working as a doctor to look forward to so I'm less worried about achieving certain things by age 30. 


When most of your friends are married, buying houses, settling down and you're not, it's easy to feel like you're not winning in life, really it is, but honestly when you stop chasing that goal you'll realise that there is more to life than getting married or having a baby. 

When you start working on your own path you'll see that you actually have much more you want to do before you achieve the conventional goals. I actually prefer how my life has panned out now. I'm glad I didn't settle for a bad relationship. I'm glad I have two degrees under my belt and a tonne of life experience. I'm glad that I'm on course to fulfilling a lot of my non conventional goals and I'm glad that my mindset is flexible enough to reset my goals. 

 Moral of the story - you CAN set yourself different goals at different time points - i.e. YOU CAN RESET YOUR GOALS. The person you are aged 16, 20 or even 30 is different to the person you are now, today, as you're reading this. Stop trying to live a conventional life and stop trying to keep up with the Jones! So what you're not married/ pregnant/ don't own a house/ not CEO of a company??? Honestly so what? You're not the only one so man up! The longer you spend wallowing in self pity thinking that you're falling behind in life, the more depressed you'll get. Nothing in life is set in stone and I'm a firm believer in "everything happens for a reason". Work hard at whatever goal you set for yourself but also remember that life is fluid, you can take a detour if you want and you're strong enough to accept that life happens! I didn't have baby in 4th year because had I done that I'd be a divorced 20 something single parent having to go see my ex husband every other week so that my child has access to both parents...*INSERT YOUR 'FAILED GOAL' HERE and think about it for a second. Where would you be now had you achieved it? I'd honestly rather have my current version of life than what my 16 year old self wanted! 

 Hope this post got you thinking about reseting some of your goals! 

 Till next time! 

 Sam 
x

PS: Thank you for the love on twitter (@_samforde) on my last day as a medical student! It warmed my heart!

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